Six fingers, six bookshelves, six eldritch whimsies

Hot take of the day? Ready? Here we go.

I've been sick. Since I had covid I don't bounce back like I used to. It lingers like a 90s Irish band.

This makes me crotchety, and less tolerant of bullshit. Today's bullshit has to do with how to "land" a relationship, like you're fishing with lures and hooks.

And here's the problem. When the fish realises that your lures are lies and your hooks are manipulation, the fish can just choose to leave.

I honestly think the problem with most relationships and dating in the world as it is right now is that very few people are honest with themselves and with other people about what they want.

Either they've bought into the relationship escalator (you know, dating, get a house, get a dog, get married, have babies, happily ever after), or they're so fixated on some nonsense some TikTok influencer told them about all the sixes they're meant to want ("I seek a six fingered man") that they've never bothered to stop and consider what THEY actually want in a life partner.

Here's my advice. Figure out what you ACTUALLY want. Do you want the escalator? Do you want children? Do you even want to share a living space with another human? Do you want monogamy?

And then, be honest about that to every person you date. Because people waste a lot of time dating people whose needs and wants from a life partner are not compatible with their own because of this desperate fear of rejection or being alone, and then they settle and hide the bits the other person doesn't dig, and then blame the person for making them hide, when it was never their choice.

You need to know what your deal breakers are. And you need to be strong enough to stand by them even if you really dig the person. Because when the New Relationship Energy wears off, that deal breaker will become a problem, and then you've wasted everyone's time and emotions.

You need to ACCEPT when the other person says they're not feeling it. Respect their deal breakers the way you want yours respected. It doesn't make either of you bad people, it just makes you incompatible. If bro won't date girls with tattoos, and you love tattoos. And are a girl. Cool. You're not made for each other. Move on. If she wants a man with a 6 figure salary, and you only make 90k. Or are not a man. Cool. You're not made for each other. Move on.

(If you are either of the people in this example, please go back and reread the paragraph about what you want. Is that really your deal breaker? Please consider WHY.)

You don't have to agree on everything. You don't have to like all the same things. But you do need some baseline compatibility. You should agree on things like exclusivity, children, and marriage. You should have a similar attitude towards finances. You should treat a relationship like a partnership, not like a transaction.

And you should LIKE each other.

Let me tell you, from the other side of all this work, that getting to spend your life with your best friend, laughing till you cry at in jokes no one else understands, understanding the things that make each other hurt, even the dumb things, so you know how to avoid them, learning what stupid tiny things make them smile, this is real romance.

You want sixes?

Six songs that make you smile because of each other.

Six crazy stories you only tell your closest friends.

Six things you know you can get each other to make a bad day better.

Six hundred unwatched reels in your Instagram chat that you send to each other all the time, but then have to watch together.

Six unnecessary appliances you still have because you each had one when you moved in together.

Six nights where you revealed yourselves to each other, warts, demons and all, and came out stronger because you know each other better than anyone.

Those are the things that matter.

Money, beauty, fitness. These things come and go over a lifetime. A partner weathers those storms with you. It should be your partnership against the problems. Not you vs each other.

End soapbox.